I'll Hit on Anything Without a Pulse!
by S80
Summary: He is what keeps the Varia sane. And cared for, let's not forget that. Lussuria Ficlets/Drabbles.
1. Attention, Men!

A/N: Ah~!! Lussuria is just fun to write for.

* * *

"Alright, listen up!" Lussuria's voice sang out, his hands currently held in position on his hips. "We're going to attempt to do something dangerous today~" and at that the new Varia recruits tried to hide their gulps and pitiful whines of fear.

He commanded total attention with his striking green bangs and flourish of red hair that made up his mohawk. A high-ranking Varia member as himself would only be found in the briefing room before a very, _very_ dangerous mission.

"This will take sacrifice!" And at this Lussuria raised a hand to start a count, his thumb extended out.

"It will require bravery!" His index finger rose.

"And the willingness to accept the consequences if this task is done wrong!" Lussuria's middle finger rose along side the first two and he gave the rows of recruits a coy smile.

"If anything goes wrong, remember whose fault it is~" Adjusting his glasses up the bridge of his nose, Lussuria placed his hand back in the crook of his hip and cocked his head innocently.

"So, are we ready to go grocery shopping for Xanxus's dinner?"

Looks of restrained fear drained nearly everyone's face of color as they raised their hands to salute.

"Yes, Sir!"


	2. Looking Fabulous!

A/N: Mm, I must thank you for the reviews. I never thought this would be... liked. And you know Lussuria threatens with such things!

* * *

He preened through his red mohawk with a teasing comb. Sure, he had to get up _hours_ earlier than everyone else just to do his hair, but Lussuria did not like the feel of hair gel and he sure wasn't going to have his hair end up smelling like a cheap drink. "Oh~ what a beautiful creature I see!" His lips puckered up slightly in the way they always did and he continued to angle his head in the mirror to admire his mohawk. After working up a soft yet edgy look for his hair, he reached for a small bottle of imported lotion. Using only his thumb and index finger, he coaxed just one small drop of the vanilla bean infused expensiveness into the palm of his ungloved hand and gently spread the lotion into a thin layer.

"Not greasy looking and it keeps my hair looking **and** smelling great~" he hummed to himself, swiftly running his coated palm through his mohawk. He then reached for a fine- toothed comb and ran it through his bright green lock of bangs to give them that 'bouncy' look he liked so much. Hours had passed with procedures of blow-drying his hair for a natural look and reinforcing it with his lotion in gradual swipes of his hand. The end result was always what he worked for, primping his bangs just a bit more before stepping back to place a hand on his hip. Lussuria smiled at his reflection and did a quick 360 turn to admire his polished look. Now he was ready to go out and start his day.

--

Levi was reclined on the living room sofa, but soon scrambled to attention when Lussuria walked in. "The weather is still good, right?" Lussuria chirped. Levi looked off into space for a moment then nodded his head in an 'I-think-I'm-sure' fashion. "Yeah, weather's fine." Complete with his crossed arm position from the couch and that nod, Lussuria was wary of the whole thing. "It better be, darling~" he sang with an undertone that hinted at no lunch for Levi if he was wrong.

The Varia sun guardian stepped out onto the ornate stoop and started his slow walk down the flight of stairs. And when he reached the bottom step, all Hell broke loose.

"_LEVI~!!!_" he screeched. A sudden downpour had began and completely watered down his hours of work.

Levi was lunchless and dinner was out of the question after he failed to see why Lussuria was so angry.

And forget breakfast, which Lussuria was going out to get.

McDonalds was kind of far, anyway.


	3. Feelin' Down?

A/N: You know he loves them~ Oh, I liked writing this one. =w=

* * *

Silence.

It was quiet in the Varia home. He could hear himself exhaling forlorn sighs, the robotic purr of the air conditioning, quite possibly even the gentle wind knocking at the large windows. "Mah, there's no one around..." he whined half-heartedly. The light pink apron had been retired to its hook in the kitchen and he was now slouched over the arm of the chair Squalo favored so much. Picking out a few stray knives from its side, he discarded them with a small smile onto the adjacent stand. "I tell him to stop throwing those things in the house, that boy." His eyes fell to the coffee table and he soon turned his whole body to face it. "And I keep telling the other one to stop putting his feet up on the table." he sighed complacently.

Lussuria stretched a bit before lifting himself out of the chair to get a washcloth and a bottle of glass cleaner. "Oh, that Levi." he hummed, picking out a white washcloth and selecting the green apple scented cleaner. He sprayed it onto the beat up coffee table, working out the scuff marks Levi's boots always created with counter-clock wise scrubs. "Oh, Fran!" he bit out, amused and annoyed at the same time; Lussuria spotted scratch marks going every which way on the wooden surface, most likely from picking out Bel's knives and carelessly dropping them onto the table. "We need a new coffee table," he murmured, extending his cleaning to the whole table. "It's been through a lot." Lussuria seemed to say with a nostalgic tone. After he was finished with the table, he went back into the kitchen and put away his cleaning tools, also noticing an open wine bottle on the counter before the wine rack. "And him, I ask him to cork the wine back up and put it away." He walked over and found the cork to the bottle, sealing in what flavor he hoped would be left and placed it in the open window fridge below the counter for later. "I just washed the dishes, too." Lussuria gently picked up the used wine glass and set it down in the sink to soak for a bit.

He looked over the breakfast bar to see the adjoined living room, envisioning the Varia as they were on a daily basis.

Squalo would be sour faced and trying to relax in a chair, effectively getting Bel riled up at the same time. Bel would make good on his promises and threaten Squalo with a few purposely missed knives, Fran soon coming along to be the receiver of his threats. Levi would whine pathetically for them to be quiet so he could hear the TV, feet on the table, and Fran would be blocking his view with his large frog hat, pulling knives out of his body and letting them pile onto the same table. Lussuria knew his place would be in that pink apron, casually cleaning around the men as they went about with their daily scuffle.

Everything would be chaotic, messy, and loud.

Just a few more weeks and everyone would be home soon.

And he couldn't wait.


	4. Back Home!

A/N: Huh, I left out Xanxus in the 'daily scuffle' description. Oh well, he'd be somewhere else anyway. Kind of a part 2 to the last one? I think this one was a bit... sweet?

* * *

It was so early in the morning, but he knew that standing there would pay off. Lussuria was leaning against the large door that granted entrance into the clean abode he kept, waiting on anxious toes for the sound of tired footsteps and perhaps the sound of Xanxus' annoyed growl. He had been waiting for at least two hours after Bel had called to say they would be returning soon. Even in the early dawn, he could still see through his tinted lens, eyes eagerly searching for the group. He was sure they succeeded, made certain by the fact that Bel had confirmed their arrival at the international airport.

Mornings in Italy were not only made beautiful by the painted sky and warm airs that walked across the plains, but also the sight of people you cared about returning from a dangerous mission. He stood a bit straighter, leaning forward a bit to see if his eyes were right. "Voi~!! I'm starving, airplane food is fucking disgusting!" Lussuria's mouth curved into a wide smile, a giggle in his throat; he had made breakfast for the swordsman, knowing just how much he despised airline food.

Xanxus lead the group, eyes laden with stone cold emotion and a hint of weariness. He stayed quiet majority of the pathway to the front door, not even bothering to shut up Squalo, who now had Bel started up for no apparent reason. Fran stood off to the side, watching his senpai start a quarrel with the silver haired man. Levi walked behind them all, looking helplessly to the back of Xanxus' head and to the blood lusty pair about to throw down. "Hey, you guys, stop it!" Levi whispered harshly, not wanting to add to the anxiety Xanxus probably felt. "If dogs want to fight, then let them." Fran muttered, looking at the pair with little interest. Bel quickly turned to face his kohai, knives already perched in between his fingers. "Did you say something?" Before Fran could make another apathetic remark, Levi intervened and quietly asked the three to stay silent for Xanxus's sake. Bel grinned and slipped away his knives, Squalo crossed his arms and huffed irritably, Levi's face was impassive, much like Xanxus', and Fran pointed out who was waiting for them ever so diligently.

"Lussuria is waiting for us." Everyone remained silent, taking notice of Lussuria's alert figure. They had reached the door now, close enough to see a warm smile welcome them back. "Welcome back, men~" the Varia sun guardian chirped, holding the door open for each of them. Xanxus passed quietly, eyes closed. Squalo was next, entering with little greeting to Lussuria save for dropping a bloody, torn jacket into his arms. Bel walked by with a grin, still wearing his stained uniform; he had better grace and would just leave it in the laundry basket for Lussuria to wash. Fran came in after, looking at Lussuria briefly before muttering a "Hello" and continuing his way into the base. Levi was last, holding onto a few suitcases and mumbling a greeting before letting all the suitcases fall onto the floor. "I'll get those, Levi, hun, go wash up." Said man left with little hesitance, leaving Lussuria with each Varia's suitcase. He would be more than happy to unpack their clothes and wash them.

As if on cue, Squalo's infamous "VOI~!!" could be heard through out the base, the sound of glass crashing, the sound of knives sticking in the walls, the sound of feet making a run for it, an "Ushishishi", and the qualms of a man trying to be liked by his boss. Lussuria exhaled deeply. "Oho~ aren't we a bunch of chaotic men?" He held onto Squalo's jacket and began to wheel the suitcases to the washroom, passing buy Xanxus' open office with a fresh wine stain on the floor. Passing by Squalo's room, he saw the man frantically looking for his favored quilt. ("I'm washing it, Squalo.") Lussuria watched as Fran walked by, knives stuck in his back. He continued walking to see Bel up and about actively looking for his kohai, more odd knives at the draw. Just in front of the washroom, he was met with a wide-eyed Levi. "If you're wondering where Xanxus' wine is, I put it in the chiller." Levi nodded thankfully and ran with a determination at full speed towards the kitchen. _These boys are full of energy_, Lussuria reasoned.

He laughed gleefully, now in the laundry room and sorting through the clothes. The rest of the Varia may have been a bunch of experts in the art of killing to everyone else, but to him they were young men who needed constant watching; they made him feel needed. And they did need him.

"Lussuria!" Xanxus could be heard growling, most likely for the special wine Levi couldn't find.

"Lussuria!" Levi could be heard crying, most likely for help in looking for Xanxus' favorite wine.

"Lussuria." Fran could be heard muttering, most likely for advice on how to clean up his fresh wounds.

"Lussuria~" Bel could he heard laughing, most likely in search for Fran and wondering if he had seen him.

"Lussuria!" Squalo could be heard yelling, most likely for the breakfast yet to be served.

A maternal smile was all Lussuria could muster before letting out a content sigh.

"Today's going to be a busy one."


	5. What's with the Glasses?

A/N: Inspired by the fact that I always squint whenever exiting the school. Goodness, it's so bright all the time! I love Varia interaction, grrr lasjdflkasjdf C'mon, you know you're curious. The Varia interaction makes this so long to type~!! Ahaha!!

* * *

He lifted his green bangs out of his line of sight to look at Fran, who was leaning into the sofa with a snack Lussuria had cooked for them. "Why, what, hun?" Lussuria asked, taking a peanut butter cookie from the plate he set out on the coffee table. Fran took another bite out of his chocolate chip cookie and chewed it thoroughly before repeating his question. "Why do you always wear sunglasses?" Fran let his guard down a bit, leaning further into the sofa before bolting upright in pain. "Ouch." he groaned, picking out one of Bel's knives from his back. "Fran, place it _gently_ on the table." Fran looked vacantly to Lussuria and did as he was told, helping himself to another cookie as well.

"Oh, don't you know? I wear them because of the sun!" Lussuria fell back into Squalo's favored armchair with a sheepish smile. Fran, naturally being deadpan, just stared at Lussuria and went as far as to stop chewing on his food. "Do the cookies taste bad?" Lussuria fearfully asked. Fran started his jaw up again to grind up the cookie and he swallowed. "I know that's what sunglasses are for." He blandly said, working on the last bits of his cookie. "Why do you wear them in the house?" The bulk of frog hat on his head bobbed up and down as he moved his jaw, uninterested eyes contradicting his train of questions.

Lussuria moved to make himself comfortable before yelping out in pain. "Ow~!!" He twisted around and pulled out one of Bel's knives. "Belphegor~" he sang expectantly, almost sensing the prince to be near. Fran turned his own head around to meet his senpai's eerie smile from behind the sofa. "Uh-oh, Lussuria said the prince's whole name." Bel laughed and slinked around the couch to take a seat next to Fran, reaching out for a cookie. "Ushishishi, I'm sorry." he grinned widely before taking a large bite from a chocolate chip cookie. Lussuria casually placed the knife next to the one Fran had found and leered over at the prince with a reprimanding look that a mother would give her son. "Bel, you're a grown man. You don't need me tell you to pick up after yourself."

Fran looked, almost --_ just maybe_ -- amused at the fact that Lussuria was scolding his senpai. His aqua green hues had a twinkle in them. That was completely thrown away when Bel placed a hand on top of his hat. "So, what was Froggy asking you?" Lussuria smiled. "He asked why I wear sunglasses all the time." Bel retracted his hand to scratch at his mess of blonde locks. "Ushishishi, you know, I've always wondered that too." And as if trying to congratulate him for asking, Bel patted Fran on the head. Of course, he knew it annoyed him to no end. "And the answer is...?" Bel asked, greedily reaching for another cookie. Lussuria inclined his head and let out a hearty laughter. "Ohoho~!! Isn't it obvious why?"

"VOI~!!" Squalo decided to enter the conversation, stomping from the hall to the coffee table. "If we're having ribs for dinner, save me three racks!" He directed this at Lussuria, not even bothering to take notice of Bel or Fran sitting on the sofa. Lussuria nodded gently and pursed his lips together. "Of course, Squalo, just be back at a reasonable time." Squalo glared at the company and sneered at Bel, but not before grabbing a handful of cookies for himself. He exited the room just as loudly as he had entered it and was not at all opposed to slamming the front door as he left. Bel looked over the sofa to the front door with a cheeky grin and then back to Lussuria. "Squalo made a trail of crumbs. He should be punished. Let's not save him any dinner." Bel chimed. Fran reached for another cookie as if he had not had one already.

"Lussuria, please answer my question." Fran muttered. "Well, you see--" Lussuria stopped mid sentence to see Levi standing in front of the coffee table. Fran and Bel glared in his general direction and Lussuria offered a friendly smile. "Yes, Levi?" Levi was void of any emotion, almost looking bored. He robotically reached out an arm and took about four cookies for himself, only to be ridiculed by Fran. "Do you really need to eat more than you already do?" Bel snickered behind his cookie and purposely exaggerated his jaw movements. "Mmm, delicious~" Levi's nose flared violently and he was about to tell Fran to shut up in a colorful diction, but Lussuria stopped the action by placing a few cookies wrapped in a napkin into his hands. "Eat them while they're still fresh!" Bel merely laughed and Fran reached for yet another cookie, causing his senpai to look at him. "How about you, Froggy? You've probably eaten half the plate, ushishishi." Fran ignored Bel's comment and continued to enjoy the treat; It wasn't very often Lussuria had time to bake homemade cookies and they sure went fast.

"... Thanks." Levi was beginning to walk back to his chambers when he heard Fran vocalize his question again. "Please answer my question." He was almost beginning to whine, but Fran never did things like so, he would just continue asking. "Okay, hun. Well, I wear sunglasses because--" Levi was back quicker than Fran and Bel could turn to glare at him. "I've always wondered why!" Levi exclaimed through a mouthful of cookies. Fran sighed inwardly and scooted over away from Bel. Levi instinctively took the seat in between the two and nibbled on his snack. "Go on, Lussuria." Bel twitched, almost as annoyed as Fran was by the constant interruptions. Lussuria, though, didn't seem to notice anything wrong. "I wear sunglasses because--"

The door was thrown open and Squalo was ready to make his return home known when Bel turned around in his seat and threw a barrage of knives at him. "Shut up, Squalo, Lussuria's about to tell us why he wears sunglasses."

And as if it were some kind of plague, Squalo's face turned into one of curiosity and he made his way to sit down with the others. Lussuria got up out of the chair and chose to stand in front of the coffee table, Squalo making himself comfortable in the chair that had been kept warm. "This should be good..." Squalo murmured, giving his full attention to Lussuria just as everyone else had.

Lussuria giggled mercilessly, touching the frames of his sunglasses. "I wear these because bright lights make me squint." He expected a round of "Oh!" from the four Varia seated before him, but everyone, save Fran, had a twisted look of confusion on their faces. "Those are what sunglasses are for, Lussuria~" Bel grinned. "No shit, Sherlock." Squalo jeered. Fran stared at Lussuria in that apathetic way of his and Levi took this opportunity to sneak a few more cookies.

Another giggle and Lussuria crossed his arms, lips in a silly smile. "Don't you know what squinting does to the skin around your eyes?" And again, the Varia was left in an awkward silence. That is until Bel, being the genius he is, spoke up. "Ushishishi, how smart of you to anticipate what you naturally do to save yourself from... crow's feet and forehead wrinkles." Bel grinned smugly, almost as if he wanted a prize for knowing.

Squalo, Fran, and Levi were still left dumbstruck, though. They sat there in the same awkward silence, completely disregarding Bel's explanation. "Oh, but he's right! You see," Lussuria put his palms to his face in a mock of worry. "I'm not getting any younger and this really helps without the use of those creams!" Fran closed his eyes, stood up, and began to leave the happy-family couch. Levi did the same, not really understanding why it was so important he do that for **most of his adult life**. Bel happily took up the rest of the sofa with his body. Squalo almost pouted in a sort of disappointed anger and he got up as well, but left through the front door. "Ushishishi, I've actually known that for quite some time." Bel pointed out, already reaching for another cookie and the TV remote. "Of course, Bel~" Lussuria chirped. He left for the kitchen to prepare dinner. Bel started flipping through the channels the TV had to offer while pulling the plate of cookies onto his stomach. "All mine~"

---

Really, he was disappointed. Fran expected Lussuria to have something really cool going on under those sunglasses of his; like laser vision or something. But no, it was just for the sake of looking young. He sighed under his breath.

Lussuria couldn't be blame for wanting to look good.

Fran licked the top of his roof to savor the chocolaty goodness he had consumed.

That man could do whatever the Hell he pleased, as long as he made those cookies every so often.


	6. Casually Gaming!

A/N: Just thinking about console wars, Wii accidents, and violent video games. D; The Varia must get bored pretty easily. Summer makes me so lazy with updating~ =w=; These get more and more ooc as I write. Haha! These get more and more Varia-orientated as I go. D8

* * *

It was because of Levi's **subtle** complaining about that Lussuria was currently strolling down the gaming aisle in a local super center. He took the liberty to toss on something other than his Varia uniform, adjusting the waist of his black skinny jeans to fit snuggly at his hips. "I see why people love to wear these~" Lussuria said, looking at his reflection of the glass protecting the display of games and their appropriate consoles. His eyes soon looked through the glass to take in the collection of titles. "I wonder what games I should buy them." Lussuria's eyes soon trailed downward to the large boxes that held the latest consoles. "But I have to buy a console first!" He shrieked, already posing with one arm crossed and the other under his chin. "Now, think... The pros and cons of each console!" The console needed a wide variety of game titles. Not only a lot of titles, but _good_ titles.

"Maybe a Wii? I heard that's a lot of family fun!" Lussuria didn't use the term 'family' loosely, but he sure did question a motion-based console. He tilted his head back, a "Hm~" in his throat as he thought about what a Wii would bring to his Varia family. Already, the image of Squalo madly waving around a Wiimote, yelling in that irritated way he did, and most likely sending it flying into something priceless, startled Lussuria into opting out of the console. "Poor Squalo gets worked up over every little thing..." he muttered, glancing over to the X-Box 360. Levi had been talking about the 'realistic, kickass graphics' and 'freakin' sweet' games for the gaming platform, most notably Call of Duty 4. "We're already an established group of assassins, why does he need a war game?" Lussuria was full of questions, looking at other titles such as 'Halo 3' and 'Grand Theft Auto 4'. "I guess they love their roleplaying games..." He murmured, moving his eyes over to the PS3. "Then this, Bel talks about it all the time." He thought it essentially as the same thing as a 360, only pricier and the opposite in visual design. "It's so limited in family games, though..." he groaned. Well, that was his last chance at finding Varia quality time with his family. Although, there was another gaming system to consider.

And, in Lussuria's own words; "The color choices are fabulous~!!"

---

"What the Hell, Fran!?" Levi shouted, bracing his shoulders and pressing as hard as he could on the A button. "I'm in first place, that's what." Fran monotoned, not even looking up from his DS Lite screen. Squalo growled, hunched over in his chair with his right hand maneuvering Dry Bones' go-kart, Lussuria as his left-hand player. "Voi~!! I'd be winning if Lussuria listened to my directions!" The long haired man gritted his teeth at Yoshi's advance to first place on the new track. "A subordinate shouldn't be ahead of his commander!" Lussuria gave Squalo a lopsided frown and almost '_tsk, tsk_'d him for trying to use his rank as a way to win a video game. "It's just a game, darlings~" he cooed. Levi was completely absorbed in passing Fran in the game that he threw the TV remote at his head. "Levi!" Lussuria scolded, temporarily forgetting he was Squalo's left-hand player and pissing off said man. "Voi~!! We're losing!" Squalo snarled, roughly bumping his left shoulder against Lussuria's right arm. "Oh, I'm sorry, Squalo~"

Bel sat on the floor against the front of the couch, the golden DS lite turned sideways like a book. "Ushishishi, this game has an interesting story line." He read the conversations of Louis Denonno and Kyle Hyde with a varied interest. "It better have a just as interesting ending." Wasn't Bel going to be severely disappointed? He became tired of speeding through game conversations and took to getting up to place himself on the couch next to Fran, who was casually playing Mario Kart against Levi, Squalo, and Lussuria. "Are you winning~?" Bel asked with an eerie grin, leaning over to see Fran's game. The illusionist almost leaned onto Levi, who was sitting next to him, but he was bumpered by that obnoxiously large frog hat. "Yes." he answered. Bel was quiet for a bit as he watched just how anger-faced Levi and Squalo were (Lussuria was currently smiling from the bonding time between him and group) and how Fran looked just dull.

"What are you guys doing, playing with one hand tied behind your back?" Fran teased in a way that sounded more like something he'd say on a normal basis. "VOI--!!" Squalo yelled, glaring daggers at Fran. Lussuria nudged his shoulder gently. "Keep your eyes on the road." Levi's lip was upturned into a sneer and he leered at Yoshi's first place mark. "Toad is going to kick Yoshi's ass." Levi grinned, nearing Fran's player. "Oh?"

The silver tiara on Bel's head went flying into Levi's face, and a dainty hand swiftly knocked the DS Lite out of Fran's grasp and onto the couch. "Gah!" Levi dropped his yellow DS Lite into his lap and held his face, checking for any injuries. The Varia's illusionist sat still on the couch, turning his head to face his senpai. "You can't let me win anything, can you?" The deadpan look on Fran's face did nothing to hinder the victorious grin on Bel's. "I can't concentrate on Hotel Dusk's story if you guys keep up idle chatter, ushishishi." Bel sunk into the couch and continued to read the text heavy game; he wouldn't play Mario Kart with the rest of them until after dinner. Fran picked up his teal DS Lite and resumed playing, unhappy to see himself in 8th place. "You care more about a mindless game than your face?" Fran remarked, trying to at least get ahead of 7th place Levi. "If it means beating you." Levi smirked. Fran's eyes lidded just a bit more, a condescending gleam in them. "If I had your face, I wouldn't worry much either." Bel let out a snicker and turned the opposite way of Fran and Levi, trying to indulge in his game. "Fuck you, Fran." Lussuria would have said something about that vulgar mouth of Levi's, but he was too intent on something else at the moment.

Levi's eyes widened and Fran's mouth drew into a tight(er) line as a Bullet Bill zoomed passed them all and into first place, crossing the finish line moments after.

"VOI, TAKE THAT BASTARDS!" Squalo proclaimed, jumping up from Lussuria's side and grinning with a psychopathic look in his eyes. "First place!" Fran always had that way of killing a mood, the buzz kill. "Commander Squalo, it's just a child's game." Fran turned off his DS Lite, closing it and placing it precariously on the coffee table. Levi grunted and closed his yellow DS Lite in defeat. "Ditto." Lussuria upped himself from his seat and smiled warmly at them all. "Wasn't that fun~?" He grinned at Squalo, who returned a smug grin back. "Next time, we're not letting frog hat even reach 5th place." Fran grimaced ever so slightly at how he was referred to. "We should just make sure Lussuria's busy, so he can't be your left hand." Lussuria watched bemusedly as Squalo just clicked his tongue and shoved the platinum DS Lite into his hands. "Whatever."

Bel laughed giddily at his gold DS Lite. "Everyone in this place has problems." He was referring to the game's characters, but he might as well have been talking about the Varia too.

---

**_Optional (Lussuria is Fabulous!) Moment--_**

Lussuria knew exactly what colors to buy.

"Platinum for Squalo, since he has such beautiful hair the same color!" he hummed.

"Teal for Fran, it'll match his eyes." Cooing.

"Gold for the dear Prince, even if he can be a royal pain." A giggle at his own joke.

"Yellow for Levi, it matches his element!" An excited look on his face.

"Black for Xanxus because it goes with everything." He was sure Xanxus would join them in their games one day.

"And metalic pink for me~!!" Lussuria squealed, loving the colors these things came in.

The sales clerk slid the glass back into place with a look of strained fear on his face at the the flamboyant ramblings. "Uh, okay..."


	7. Who Does the Laundry?

A/N: I need a Lussuria-centric drabble for **his** drabble collection! I don't even know if I can call it a drabble fic anymore. -ANGRY FACE.- I like making the Varia appear cute with their weird way of caring... D;

* * *

"I think these pants don't fit me anymore..." Lussuria whined, holding the accused pair of pants in front of the mirror. "How is this possible!?" He cried, trying to dress his mirror self in the reflection of the pants. "I _know_ I haven't gained any weight." And that would be true, since he had a strict regimen of working out for hours on end and indulging in sweets only once in a while. He brought the waistband up to his face and checked the label to see if he had washed them correctly. "Yes, yes, I washed them like that." Lussuria ran a stressed hand through his fiery mohawk and brushed his green bangs out of his face. "Sigh, I guess I'll have to go buy another pair." The unfitting pants were folded neatly and placed in the back of his closet.

Levi, Squalo, Bel, and Fran (respectively in that order) were peeking in between the crack of their Sun guardian's bedroom door. "Idiot, I told you just to let him do it himself." Squalo muttered up to Levi. "Hey, I was just trying to give him a break!" Levi barked back down. Bel tapped Fran on the back and involuntarily grinned. "Weren't you the one who washed his pants?" Fran didn't even bother to look up at Bel. "You were the one who set the dryer to extra heat." he said reproachfully. Squalo growled down at both of them. "Voi~!! He doesn't even know we washed them!" Squalo said **just a little too loudly**. Lussuria confirmed this by turning his head quickly to face the door. "Ushishishi, now he does. We better run~" Levi quickly bolted for the living room, Squalo at his heels. Bel and Fran were off to a slower start, but they headed the same way.

Lussuria walked over to his bedroom door and opened it, peeking out into the hall with a curious look on his face. "Somebody was here...?" He stepped out of his room and let the door click into place, making his way over to the living room. What he found was Squalo scrunched up in his favorite chair indifferently flipping through the satellite channels, Levi was sprawled out on the couch, equally bored with the TV. Fran was behind the couch, his head perched casually on top of the backboard, eyes glued to the changing TV screen. Bel's unruly blonde hair head could be seen in the kitchen, possibly getting a snack of some sort.

"Did you boys see anyone head past my room?" Lussuria asked. The Varia let out simultaneous sighs and grunts, each laced with a weary tone. "No." Their chorus of an answer made Lussuria grin oddly as he turned around to head back to his room. "Alright, then~"

When he reached his room, Lussuria sat on the edge of his bed and let out a laugh. "I guess it's the thought that counts."

Then he looked over at his closet and spotted a bleach stained black shirt among the ranks of graphic tees. "But they should really just let me do the laundry."

---

_**Optional (Varia is Fail!) Moment--**_

"Ushishishi... Squalo." Bel laughed nervously from the kitchen.

"What?" the Varia swordsman drawled.

"You didn't add any yeast to the cake batter, did you?" He stared into the heat of the oven.

And since he was so easy to pawn things onto, "Voi, that was Fran's job!"

Fran shifted his arms so that they pillowed his head. "No, it was Levi's."

"Bah, Bel said he would do it." Levi muttered.

"I told Squalo to do it~" the prince chided.

And the blame game was played for at least 30 more minutes until they all decided to just buy a cake for their beloved Lussuria.

"We all know for a fact that when he says _'It's the thought that counts!'_, he really means _'Store bought is better, but you guys tried your hardest!'_" Bel reasoned, placing the boxed cake graciously into the fridge for tonight's dessert.

The Varia all nodded their heads. "Agreed."


	8. Just Doing My Job!

A/N: Xanxus has been absent majority of this drabble series so far. But we knowwww he loves Lussu just as much as the others do. 8D He just... doesn't say anything about it. Ever. But it's there, oh, it's there~

* * *

Xanxus, sitting all high and mighty in his superior armchair, bore holes into Levi's figure with permanently angered hues of red. And to make the tension in the air even thicker, he stayed quiet and gave no instruction on what to do. "Boss, I was just thinking that you would like a refill." Levi interjected the silence with a wavering voice. He had one hand supporting the base of the dark green bottle of wine and the other clamped securely around the body, sure to keep the label facing Xanxus. "I-I'll just refill your glass." Levi stepped forward, trying to hide his hesitance with a tight line of a mouth and determined eyes. Now he stood next to his boss and he was sure sweat profusely beaded his forehead. Being as gentle as he could, _as gentle as a Varia member that wasn't Lussuria could be_, Levi uncorked the bottle of wine and tipped it gently over Xanxus' half empty glass. He felt his heart beat with victory when he managed to pour the wine with expertise and not get any on the carpet.

"Enjoy, Boss." Levi gave a polite nod and turned to leave his boss's quarters, but the shattering sound of glass breaking stopped him in his tracks. He wheeled around instantly and began to assault Xanxus with apologies. "I'm sorry, Boss! I'm so sorry!" Levi cried, on his knees trying to gather up the glass shards. He nearly lost his breath when Xanxus opened his mouth to speak, very afraid that he would be rejected and thrown out by force. "... Go fetch Lussuria." Oh, well that was better than be yelled at. "Yes, Boss!" Levi jumped up and walked out of the room calmly, only to start a breakneck pace when he reached the hall towards the kitchen; that man liked to be there, right?

Upon reaching the kitchen (and running out of breath) Levi saw Lussuria humming to himself and cleaning the granite countertops. "Mm, I can see my self in the counters!" he sang, happy with his work. Levi quickly regained his lost breath and urgently described his situation to Lussuria, ending with a; "Xanxus called for you." Lussuria, being calm as he was when everyone else was in a rush, merely grinned and patted Levi on the arm. "There's left over cake in the fridge, why don't you have some?" And after that irrelevant response, Lussuria took a washcloth, a dustpan, and a bottle of floor cleaner with him on his way to Xanxus' wing.

He arrived shortly after being called and graciously entered with that flamboyant spirit in his step. Not even needing to ask why he was called, Lussuria made quick work of the glass shards on the ground and already started to spray the wine stained carpet with his no-fail cleaner. "Ah, Boss, I replaced your toothbrush this morning." Lussuria announced as he emptied the dustpan into a nearby trashcan. "I've also taken the liberty to have all your suits dry cleaned, your bed sheets have been hand washed, and your shoes polished." Lussuria was merely naming the things he did now that way Xanxus knew before hand and didn't go berserk on the rest of the Varia; the boss didn't really trust the Varia with his laundry. Xanxus' eyes did not stop their menacing gaze when he looked at Lussuria, but the man he observed did not seem bothered by his glare in the slightest. In fact, a smile waited for him whenever he looked at Lussuria. "Good." Xanxus muttered, not really putting any tone into his praise. Lussuria pursed his lips together in a sly smile. "I'm just doing my job~" Lussuria replied. He used the washcloth he brought with him to soak up the wine stain, looking at its aftermath with a lopsided grin. "I'll go get the carpet steamer~" And with that, Lussuria left the room.

Xanxus, sitting all high and mighty in his superior armchair, looked around at the room's carpet. If Lussuria had not been around with his superb cleaning skills, the whole floor would have looked like it soaked in blood. He let a dry smile ghost his lips at the other things Lussuria did. It was because of Lussuria he always had a fresh dress shirt, shoes you could eat off of, and a bed that seemed to emulate warmth each day he retired to his room after a late night.

Yes, Lussuria was good for many things.

And Xanxus didn't need to say that, he was sure the man already knew that himself.


	9. Boy's Night Out, uno!

A/N: Haha! I didn't think I'd write a lot for this drabble collection, thought I'd just give up after two drabbles and never log back into this account. Almost ten drabbles, hurrah! Lussuria likes to take the boys out. 8DDD If they behave, that is. 8I This is so going to be a two parter. Maybe three? Squalo is so well behaved for Lussu~ :3

* * *

The Varia weren't one to turn down a night of drinking. And when they weren't the ones paying, their answer always ranged from a monotonous, "Why not?" to an excitable, "Voi~!! Yes!" Everyone (excluding Xanxus) piled into the classic black Lexus Lussuria drove, Squalo sitting up front because he couldn't stand anyone touching him, Fran was unfortunate enough to be made to sit in between Bel and Levi, his face already grim with just the mere i_dea_ of them bickering. Lussuria adjusted the mirrors and ordered everyone to buckle up. "You all look so handsome in your suits, let's not have them concealed in body bags~" Lussuria giggled, getting a weird look from Squalo. "Ushishishi, but you would like us better that way." Bel commented, _accidentally_ poking Fran's ribs with a sharp elbow whilst adjusting the seat belt. Levi looked out the window to watch the scenery change from the Varia's 'home' to a more cityscape place filled with people and cars. "Where is this place?" Levi grumbled.

"Just a thirty minute drive, darling~" He activated the left blinker before merging into the lane with grace; if anyone was good at driving, it was Lussuria. "Squalo, could you adjust the AC to medium? It's getting hot in here and my hair will not tolerate it!" With a muffled 'Voi...', the swordsman did as he was told. "Turn on the radio while you're at it." Bel grinned. Not wanting to take orders from the prince, Squalo pretended to ignore the request and chose to recline in his seat and look forward. "Fine then. Lussuria?" Bel rested his chin on the driver seat's shoulder and unbuckled his seat belt to do so. "Of course, but put on your seat belt first." Lussuria, without taking his eyes off the road, turned on the radio. Levi graciously disapproved of the music playing (an underground techno station) with an irritable 'hmph'. Fran tried to press himself back in his seat, as he knew what was going to happen next. "Levi, you don't enjoy techno?" Bel asked innocently enough. He was always trying to start something. Levi, though, saw through all that bull and already readied himself to take a shot at him. "I hate techno, metal is better." Squalo gripped onto his seat the moment Levi said that, Lussuria on schedule with his involuntary swerve to the right. Luckily the car that was nearly hit had avoided the hit and got away with honking the horn. Bel had steadied himself with his arms between the car door and Fran's large hat. "Ushishishi, we almost got into an accident because of you, Levi." Bel teased, only darkly smirking when Levi bought into his taunts. "It's okay if Levi doesn't like techno, everyone has different taste~" Lussuria said after a strained silence. "You shouldn't insult whoever's driving the car or what they like." After readjusting the tiara on his teased blonde locks, Bel continued his onslaught of ridicule to the Varia's lightning guardian. "Some people should just learn to shut up." Levi, not at all subtle with his hurt glare, muttered at Bel. Fran could be heard exhaling and shifting back in his seat to avoid the clash as much as possible. "Make me." Squalo reached to the side of his seat and routinely adjusted it forward, very used to these random fights within the group.

Bel pulled out a knife (much to Lussuria's disappointment after he told him not to bring any) and lined it up with Levi's throat in sight. Levi raised his arms, not having any weapons with him at the moment. Squalo clicked his tongue and tried keep his cold stare on the road; at least he wasn't Fran, who was generally slumping lower into his seat every second. "Can't you guys at least wait until we get out of the car?" Fran mumbled. After not getting a reaction from either, he tried to appeal to their natural fighting instincts. "Just think of it, you guys can canvas the whole city in knives and lightning." Bel gave Fran a wicked grin and Levi snorted. "I guess that stupid frog hat kid isn't as bad as I thought." Levi snickered. Bel laughed and secretively slipped his knives back into his suit jacket. "And I suppose you aren't as stupid as you look." Fran mentioned in his casual way. Lussuria was about to sigh when Levi interrupted with a frightening growl. "What was that?!" Bel grinned at Levi sheepishly from behind Fran's head. "You heard me." Squalo groaned and the sneer on his face only intensified when Lussuria swerved to the side of the road and slammed on the breaks. In unison, Bel, Fran, and Levi swayed to the right, slamming into each others side, then doing the same thing to the left in a less voracious force. Squalo already anticipated the move and steadied himself. "If you boys continue to go on like this, we're just going to go back home. Without supper." Squalo, much to Levi's discomfort, reclined his seat back and proceeded to rub his temples in a tired way. "Is that clear, men?" Lussuria had not turned around during his strained attempt at trying to keep a steady, calm voice. From behind his smoked glasses, Lussuria glanced into the mirror to glare at the three in the back. There was a jumble of mumbling, and Squalo smirked at Fran's remarks. ("I didn't do anything...")

"Squalo, dear~" Lussuria sang, beyond happy that the loudest of his family was not apart of the instigating circus. "What?" He received a coy grin from the older man. "We'll be going out to a restaurant after some light drinking, you get to pick!" Bel's eyes twitched nervously under their curtain of blonde hair. Fran groaned. Levi 'hmph'ed. This was Lussuria's way of punishing them. They all knew what the theme of the restaurant would be. "Voi~!! I'll-- think about it." His lips split into a vicious grin. While Lussuria was primarily happy with whatever they ate (so long as it tasted good) the rest of the group had a strong disliking for a certain kind of food.

"Sea food sounds really good right now." Squalo was actually going to pick 'The Cheesecake Factory' just for Lussuria, but he liked the torment that had built up in the crowded Lexus.

The backseat gang all tried to hide their sighs of defeat, Bel in an "Ushishi", Fran in a mumbled curse, and Levi in a clearly heard curse. Lussuria hummed to himself, turning up the volume on his radio and sending techno into their ears. Levi threw his head back and groaned, eliciting a menacing laugh from Bel and a pleased look on Fran's face.

"I hope you're all better behaved at the bar." Lussuria sighed with a smile on his face.

The Varia was the best assassin group out there, but that didn't necessarily mean they had class and Lussuria was about to be reminded of that fact later in the night.


	10. Mind Your Own Business!

**Author's Note:** Squalo isn't always so well behaved. And Lussu knows it~ Part two to the other drabble will be posted sometime... I just wanted to make this the tenth drabble! D;

* * *

If one went into the kitchen in the afternoon, one could find Lussuria with his elbows propped up on the kitchen island, a hand flipping the pages of some kind of catalogue, and another hand holding up a blueberry muffin to his mouth. And if one persisted in hanging about the kitchen long enough, Lussuria would always offer his help with a motherly, "Do you need something?"

Squalo went into the kitchen one afternoon, found Lussuria with his elbows propped up on the kitchen island, a hand flipping through the pages of some boring looking catalogue, and the other hand holding up a blueberry muffin to his mouth. And since he sulked around the kitchen long enough, Lussuria asked with his usual tone, "Do you need something, Squ?"

The only response Lussuria could see was Squalo's lips pulled into a grimace. "No, it's the damn kitchen. I can find shit myself, you know! Mind your own damn business!" he nearly yelled. The acid drip of venom in Squalo's tone of voice could have been enough to break Lussuria's poor heart a million times over, but Lussuria knew better than to believe Squalo actually hated him. He decided to humor his 'child'.

"Whatever you say, _Squ-dear_." Lussuria sang, adding a teasing lilt to the improvised pet name; he knew that nothing irked Squalo more than being treated like a child. The silver haired man mumbled curses under his breath and resumed his adventure around the kitchen. He opened up cabinets, pulled out drawers, and rummaged through their stock with an aggravation Lussuria knew would soon bring about trouble. But, as Squalo had said, he should mind his own business. Lussuria did just that, switching his position so that he stood with his back to the kitchen adventurer. "Voi, where are the damn forks?" And even though Squalo had muttered that to himself, Lussuria felt it was subtly directed at him.

After hopelessly going through all the drawers and cabinets the kitchen had to offer, Squalo gave up on his fruitless search for the silverware. "This is a kitchen, dammit! Where the hell is all the silverware!?" Now this question was directed towards Lussuria without restraint, if Squalo's voice rising in incredible increments didn't tell him that. Lussuria sighed in a melodramatic fashion and used his muffin hand to point towards the dishwasher. "They're in there, but don't--" Squalo's mind promptly shut off after hearing the location of the utensil he had been looking for a good ten minutes. "Voi, finally!" He shouted a little to eagerly as he stomped over to the humming machine. "Squalo, dear, don't--" Lussuria was about to warn Squalo of the impending doom if he opened the dishwasher, but his darling child _did_ tell him to mind his own business.

So, he did just that.

Lussuria began humming to himself the clichéd funeral march in an all too happy tone (much like a sweet prelude of death for Squalo) and took a bite out of his muffin. He giggled mirthfully at Squalo's attempts to open the dishwasher, taking glee in the sharp tone Squalo used to ridicule the dishwasher. "Voi!! Open up!" Lussuria's nonsensical laughter was not helping at all.

"Open. The. Fuck. Up!" Squalo roared, pulling at the dishwasher door with so much force, he actually managed to reach the kitchen island with his back. Lussuria stood to the side of Squalo's performance, a gleam cast in his sunglasses that made him look more mischievous than usual. "I'm so glad Daddy Xanxus let me buy a new dishwasher!" he squealed, taking delight in Squalo's heated words at the machine. "Well, you'll have to buy a new one after I'm done with this fucking thing!" Squalo's jaw tightened considerably as he gave the dishwasher's door one last desperate tug, and-- this one did it.

A victorious grin adorned his face, but was soon drowned, literally, by the vigorous jets of water that knocked him against the kitchen island. "Brrghhh!!" was all Lussuria could hear from the flailing Squalo being beaten into the side of the kitchen island by the water jets. "He allotted me enough funds to add in hydro-jets for sparkle-shine cleaning!" Lussuria swooned in his own little world, slowly inching to the dishwasher. "Ah, but you broke the door. All you had to do was turn it off and undo the latch, darling~" he gently related in that motherly way, cutting off power to the dishwasher and saving Squalo from a premature death. "Hn," Squalo grunted, sopping wet with silver strands of hair sticking to the side of his face. "Voi, I knew that! Mind your... own... damn business..." he trailed off, realizing just _why_ he had been pummeled to the floor by the water jets.

Lussuria's lips curved into a beyond amused smile and he laughed, sure to leave the condescending tone out of it. "Sh-shut up!" Squalo grimaced, promptly getting up and stomping out of the kitchen. Lussuria off handedly yawned, his laughter dying down. "And am _I_ supposed to clean up this mess for you?" he crossed his arms and leered over the kitchen's bar at Squalo stomping his wet boots into the carpet. The Varia swordsman turned his dripping wet head to Lussuria and smirked, stomping extra hard into the carpet for effect as he left a muddy, soapy trail in his wake.

"Oh--! You naughty scoundrel!"


	11. You Made Those Messes?

**Author's Note:** (Levi-centric?) He seems like the kind of guy to do this. Bel likes to pick fights, I've noticed. :D Oh, I doodled a quick little picture for this one. [ i28(dot)tinypic(dot)com/2m2cex5(dot)jpg ] (I'd suggest looking at the picture _after _reading. SFW) Ha~ I couldn't resist! One of the longer 'drabbles'. .__.; I enjoy Varia family time **way too much**.

* * *

A midnight snack could possibly suffice his hunger right now, but he would have to be extra quiet to sneak past Lussuria's room and not lead him to the fact that he, Levi, was the one responsible for the food-esque mess that would greet Lussuria in the early morning. The clock's hour hand was always fixed at two, the minute hand vaguely lingering between the two and three whenever Levi snuck in. It was dark, save the few soft lights that Lussuria plugged into the electrical sockets, and Levi doubted that even if he opened up the extravagant, heavy kitchen curtains that it would still be dark. But there was a way Levi beat this system, he just needed to find his way to a certain appliance. He reached out in front of him with cautious hands, trying to feel his way to the refrigerator. As he felt about the kitchen's island's countertop, his hand came to rest on a warm limb of flesh. It promptly pulled away in extreme force and Levi fell back in surprise.

"Ushishi, don't touch the prince, you old pervert." _That damned Bel,_ Levi noted bitterly. What was he doing up? "What the hell--" Levi had started his inquiry, but a blinding light soon caused him to shut his eyes and groan. Bel had _kindly_ opened up the refrigerator, effectively doing what Levi was going to do; use the appliance as a light source. "I'm up because I want to get you in trouble." Levi turned his face away from the light and let his eyes grow accustomed to the dimmed surroundings. "I shouldn't have opened up the refrigerator," Bel snickered. "Why?" Levi grumbled, mulling over to the pantry across the room. The Varia genius smoothed out his uncrowned hair and then created a platform with his hands that he rested his chin on. "Because I saw your face."

It took every ounce of dignity, will power, and the fear of waking up Lussuria for Levi to not turn around and snap back with an _electrifying_ force.

He instead turned his full attention to the pantry, swiftly picking out a box of cereal and placing it on the island. "Trouble is a foot, ushishishi." Bel commented as Levi pulled down a sizable plastic bowl from the bowl cabinet. Almost as if he were teasing him, Bel whipped around and pulled out the half full gallon of milk and pushed it to Levi's side. "You'll need that, right?" Levi tried his best to disregard Bel's ever-growing grin. He produced a spoon from a near by drawer and began to pour milk into the bowl. "Ah, that's why Lussuria gets so angry..." Bel's tone turned into a mock-seriousness as he watched Levi pour the milk. "It's not like he knows it's me." Levi scoffed, now opening up the box of cereal. He expected for Bel to retort with some witty remark about blackmailing him, but to his surprise Bel had stretched and started meandering out of the kitchen. "Ushishishi, trust me. He knows." Droplets of milk jumped out of the bowl as cereal started to drop in, creating splashes of milk all over the kitchen counter, not to mention a few bits and pieces of Reese's Puffs depositing themselves around the bowl and onto the ceramic tile floor. Levi didn't even bother to put back the goods; he just ate his cereal, left the bowl sitting out and returned to his room. Maybe he could blame it on that that irritating prince. "Lussuria likes cleaning anyway, right?" he mumbled.

---

Morning light flooded into Levi's room, his curtains drawn open by none other than Lussuria. "Wake up, sleepy head~!!" the man chimed, brushing his lime green bangs to the side of his sunglasses. "We're all going to have breakfast together, including our lovely boss!" Levi rolled over and groaned. "Why do we need to eat together...?" he asked himself, for Lussuria had already left his room. The Varia's lightning guardian left in his sleep clothes; a bright yellow tank top and black baggy sweats. But when he reached the kitchen, everyone had already been eating delicious sausage links, sunny side up eggs, bacon, and downing it all with either milk or orange juice. "Where's my plate?" Levi grunted, meeting eye to eye with the pursed lipped cook-- Lussuria. "Mah~ Bad boys don't get breakfast." he stated matter-of-factly as he shuffled a few slices of bacon onto Squalo's plate. "Lussuria, you're the best." Bel said through a mouthful, earning a light scolding from Lussuria (for talking with his mouth full) and a death glare from Levi. "No, you're the best, Bel~ Thank you for telling me about the monster that made those morning messes." From under his unruly blonde bed hair, Levi was sure Bel was glancing at him, if that more obnoxious-than-usual grin didn't say otherwise. "Ugly monsters should be told on." Squalo was happily scarfing down his food, ignoring the sparks that exchanged between the storm and lightning. Fran looked on with little interest while sipping his milk and Xanxus was slowly chewing on a piece of bacon, eyes not amused at the spat between the two.

"When you want to eat cereal, Levi-_dear_," Lussuria adjusted the straps to his pink apron. "You pour the cereal first, _then_ the milk." The cook elbowed his 'son' to the kitchen bar and made him sit on a stool. "But I woke you up for the purpose of us all having breakfast together! So, here's your breakfast." Levi's mouth watered at the idea of a hot meal. Maybe Lussuria cooked the eggs to the crisp, just how he liked it-- "Pour it yourself." He stared down at what Lussuria had just set down, his mind constantly repeating 'What the Hell?' as he blankly looked at the bowl full of Reese's Puffs and the pitcher of milk. "It's not that I don't love to clean up after you, Levi-_dear_, you just need to be punished for making me spend more time in the morning." With a cute smile, Lussuria wandered off to prepare his own breakfast, completely missing the wicked grin Bel shot Levi from down the kitchen bar counter. "Time he could be spending making us breakfast." the prince taunted, exaggerating his disappointment, but the knife he twirled in his free hand gave away his smugness. "Shut up." Levi shot back weakly, pouring milk into the bowl with a misery that made Fran, who was conveniently sitting his left, stare. His facial hair twitched a bit as he let out a heavy sigh and brought a spoonful of cold breakfast to his mouth. "What do you want, Froggy?" the man asked, uncaring as to whether his mouth was full or not. Fran bit off a piece of toast. "I was waiting for you to start eating." he monotoned, using his fork to layer a piece of egg on the plain toast. Levi went out of his way to switch his spoon to his other hand and _accidentally _elbow Fran as he swooped up more cereal. "And why is that?"

"So I could tell you that was the milk you left out this morning." Fran scooted more to his left, bumping elbows with Squalo.

Levi processed the thought at lightning speed and sputtered out his half chewed breakfast. "Voi," Squalo muttered as he side glanced the event. "You could have at least spit it back into the damn bowl." Xanxus was oblivious to the whole ordeal and chose to tap his empty glass on the counter two curt times for a refill from Lussuria. Bel, who was sitting at the farthest edge next to Xanxus, just snickered, sure to show off those dashingly white teeth of his. Fran resumed eating his layered toast. "Levi," Lussuria growled in a way no one would want to be on the receiving end of. After filling Xanxus' glass to the brim with orange juice, he set the pitcher down and picked up a large washcloth, throwing it at Levi. "I'm going to enjoy my breakfast. I don't have to tell you twice to clean up, do I?" The washcloth was perched on the side of Levi's head, his face dumbfounded. "W-why... me?" It never felt good to have Lussuria angry with you, even if he was rational enough to let it go later. Lussuria nudged in between Squalo and Xanxus, already beginning on a piece of buttered toast. "One big happy family~" he hummed, pinky sticking out as he held up the toast. Squalo inwardly sighed, Xanxus was unmoved by the statement, Fran just glanced haphazardly at Lussuria, Levi grumbling dejectedly. Bel was the only one who seemed happy to hear that, as he laughed and laughed before calming down into a sigh.

"Ushishishi, happy family, indeed~"


	12. You!

**Author's Note:** I've been mulling over this idea for a while. Ah, this one may seem a bit slashy, but you're reading a Lussuria-centric drabble series, so perhaps you anticipated this? For those who don't enjoy shounen-ai, I'd suggest you skip this one. Nothing really happens, but who really trust Lussuria to talk/be around Ryohei without mentioning what he thinks about him and his body? Maybe occasionally touching it... TYL, bby. Suggestive language and themes-- but Lussuria _is_ modeled after the sin 'Lust'. Also a bit on the silly side. Guess where Lussuria told Ryohei to meet him...

* * *

Lussuria twirled the stem of his martini glass anxiously, lips pulled into a tight smile of anticipation for the arrival of Sasagawa Ryohei. The last time he had seen the man was last year at a banquet, and even then Ryohei was sitting all the way across the room at the table that hosted the Vongola Tenth's close friends. He couldn't get enough of that finely tailored suit covering that finely built body. Oh, and how his smile paired with slightly furrowed eyebrows made for a very seductive face-- Lussuria shook his head briskly and used one of the elegant, cloth bar napkins to wipe the drool that had started to gather at the corners of his mouth.

An order of sexy Ryohei sounded really good right now. Lussuria'll take clothes on the side, please, mmm--

"Lussuria-san, I have arrived!" With an excited burst through the bar's double doors, Ryohei radiated an out-of-place exuberance and earned stares from more than just Lussuria. "This is going to be an awesome night _to the extreme_!" he exclaimed once he reached the bar. Naturally, he took the seat next to Lussuria and placed an arm on the bar, looking deviously at the types of beverages sitting in a glorious fashion on neon-lighted glass shelves behind the bartender's form. Lussuria could feel a giddiness start to warm up in his chest, his head riding the highs of the seething jealousy of every other bar patron at the sight of an attractive, well built (Ryohei had decided to ditch his suit jacket) man that wasn't _with them_. "Oho~ Ryohei, you look..." Behind those white sunglasses frames of his, Lussuria looked the man up and down, almost wanting to whine when those damned clothes kept him from seeing what he really wanted. "Handsome." he droned out, quite possibly because he wanted to say something so hot that not even the coolest drink in the place would quell the flames he would have created. The Vongola's Sun Guardian took the compliment with many thanks and gave the bartender his usual aggressive grin before placing his order. "Do you have sake?" Ryohei asked in his thickly accented Italian. The bartender smirked at Ryohei, ignoring his request all together to admire his foreign features. Lussuria tilted his head coyly at the man. "He's not from around here, just make him an apple martini."

Ryohei was lost in their rapid Italian, watching the two with an amusingly lost expression. "Lussuria-san, what did you say to him?" He threw a (possessive?) arm over Ryohei's shoulder and pulled him closer, their shoulders overlapping now as Lussuria tilted his head to bump against the silver-haired man's head. "I just ordered you a drink is all~" he chimed, loving the way the bartender stepped down from his subtle flirting with _his_ company and returned to work with a smile that surely hid defeat. Thinking the gesture was a common one in Italian bars, Ryohei threw his arm around Lussuria as well.

The flames of jealousy, they burned like wild fire in area around them. Lussuria just knew it. He **loved it**.

If the man who had attempted to flirt with Ryohei wasn't the bartender, Lussuria would have kneed the trash in their gut-- But the man _was_ the bartender; the bartender at this place was a local legend, and his mixes were deathly delicious. His arm still locked around Ryohei's shoulders, Lussuria used his free hand to pick up his drink and take a sip. "What's that taste like, Lussuria-san?" Ryohei's interested was piqued. The bartender raised a brow at the conversation being conversed in Japanese. "Would you like to taste some, Ryohei-kun?" Without waiting for an answer, Lussuria pressed the sugar-coated rim to Ryohei's lips and tilted the glass.

Those flames of jealousy around him turned into hell fire.

In their current position, Lussuria would have loved to plant a kiss on his cheek and nuzzle his neck, but it was best if he had Ryohei act naturally and not realize he had been invited to a gay bar. The regular patrons surely knew by now that Lussuria had _not_ been lying about his **_extremely_** attractive Japanese 'friend'. Now all he needed to do was somehow show them Ryohei's finely built body, but a twinge of rage bounced around in his chest at that; other men would see that toned skin that were meant for only _his_ eyes. He bit his bottom lip at the thought, shortly pulled out of his reverie by the bartender placing the finished apple martini down before Ryohei. "Drink up, babe." the bartender pulled off a dastardly wink and Ryohei returned it, thinking it only natural to be friendly with the locals in a foreign land. With a smug smile only viewable from Lussuria's side, the bartender walked off to tend to customers further down the bar. Lussuria reluctantly loosened his hold on Ryohei to glare daggers at his backside. The two men gradually pulled back from their half-embraced and sat with their elbows on the counter, drinks in hand. Already done with half of his glass, Ryohei plucked the cherry from the bottom and twirled it by the stem. Lussuria liked to savor his drink, letting the sweet and sour mix lave over his taste buds and drain itself; it was the best way to savor a drink, in his opinion. "Ryohei-kun, you eat the cherry first or last, not in the middle of a drink!" He eyed the younger male with a twinkle in his sunglasses lens and an admiring smile on his face. "Why not, Lussuria-san? Maybe it's extreme if I eat it in between!" Ryohei continued his merry twirling of the cherry stem, not even aware of the light blush on Lussuria's face.

Oh, heavens above, if he had said that in Italian and not Japanese, Lussuria would have had bragging rights for the rest of the century in that bar!

Lussuria pushed a few stray strands of lime green hair from his face, noticing Ryohei had now taken the cherry between his mouth. Hot damn, the way his lips just puckered from the sour bath the fruit had just been in-- Lussuria found himself staring in a frozen state of awe. Ryohei plucked the cherry off its stem and held it in-between his teeth, beaming at Lussuria all the while. "Thanks for the drink!" While Ryohei may have said that in a friendly manner, still with that exuberance he had when he first walked through the bar, perhaps Lussuria liked his imagination's version of how Ryohei said that; in a deep, sexy tone with half-lidded eyes and tongue darting out of his mouth to slowly lick his lips in a sensual motion. "I'll buy you a drink any time, sexy~" He didn't care he had just alerted Ryohei to just how he saw him, the man was sexy and he needed to know, dammit!

"You're extremely awesome, Lussuria-san!" Ryohei exclaimed loudly in Japanese, startling the nearby bar patrons. Lussuria quirked a thin brow and pursed his lips together in a smile. Perhaps a few more drinks and he could get the man to say a few things, in Italian, for him.

---

An hour had passed and time found Lussuria giggling madly at some incoherent comment Ryohei had made, the latter of the two slamming his head down against the bar table. He wasn't wasted, but he sure was drunk.

"Lussuria-saaan~" Ryohei drawled out, albeit still in that great mood he had shown at the beginning of the night. The multi-colored haired man perked at the sound of his name (said by the ever sexy Ryohei, no less) and gave the man his full attention. "Hmmmmm?" _Now_ he could have bragging rights at the eccentric bar, for Ryohei swiveled around in his barstool to face Lussuria and promptly fell lax against the flamboyant man's chest in a tired, passed out fashion. "Take me home~" he droned, slurring his words in a mix of Italian and Japanese.

How long had he been waiting to hear Ryohei say **that**? And to _him_?

To stretch his false victory even more (Ryohei was just in need of a driver, they both were) Lussuria cleared his throat and proclaimed in his smug Italian, "Of course I'll take you home! Oho~!!" He bit down on his bottom lip and snaked one arm around Ryohei's tantalizing body, paying the bartender with a generous tip as he guided the man out of the bar. Envious stares helped him to the door, and once he stepped foot out into the brisk night, chatter boomed from inside about the very sexy man Lussuria had with him. _Bragging rights, indeed_.

Lussuria fished out his cell phone and called a very tired Levi to come and pick him up. ("Why me and not Bel or that frog kid!?" "Because you know where it is!") While he waited for Levi to arrive, Lussuria helped Ryohei over to an empty bench and let him rest snuggly in his open arms, the man's silver hair tickling the side of his face. To anyone walking buy, it would look like Ryohei was sleeping and using Lussuria's arms as a blanket. "Lussuria-san, how many drinks did I have?" Ryohei surprisingly managed to murmur, considering his drunken state. He didn't seem to mind the fact that Lussuria was holding him, his hands roaming ever so gently over his body. "Just a few, darling~" the man hummed, so badly wanting to press a kiss to Ryohei's forehead for how cute _and_ sexy he could be even when he was drunk. Ryohei believed him for the time being and relaxed against him for a snooze.

Levi, though, ruined the atmosphere as he pulled around the corner and blazed the car horn like crazy once he spotted Lussuria's flashy hair colors. That man was going to pay for it later; Ryohei quickly awoke at the sound and jolted out of Lussuria's hold. "Is that our ride?" He half exclaimed, squinting from the headlights. "Yes, I called someone to pick us up." The Varia Sun Guardian sighed dejectedly and ushered Ryohei to the car with a light push on his rump. That was the most fun he would have now that Levi showed up. The younger man let out a light, distant laugh and staggered into the backseat, Lussuria following close behind. "You woke me up at 2AM just to pick you up from your date with the Vongola Sun Guardian?!" Levi screeched, already gunning the car. A coy smile ungracefully made its way onto Lussuria's face, his eerie calm sunglasses emitting an evil aura when paired with the thin, narrowed brows of his face. "Just drive." Ryohei had already fallen limp against the passenger door and drooled endearingly against the leather interior.

"You're queer." Levi whispered, knowing full well that Lussuria would hurt him for waking up 'his sexy Ryohei'.

"I'm well aware~" the hardly drunk Lussuria hummed, lovingly watching Ryohei sleep so comfortably. "Mah~ He's so cute when he sleeps, I wonder how it would feel to sleep with him..." the man mused out loud.

Levi groaned. They still had 20 minutes until they reached the Varia base.

He wondered if Lussuria would, just for this once, keep his gay musings to himself.

"I can see his muscles now~" Lussuria murmured. Levi chanced a glance into the rear view mirror and saw that his 'mother' had taken the liberty to unbutton the Vongola Guardian's shirt and push up the tank top underneath. Sweat beaded Levi's forehead and he gulped; this was going to be a long drive.


	13. Please Don't Inhale That!

**Author's Note:** This is why Bel never grew out of his psychosis. _That_ and the fact he was mental to begin with...-- A small update of sorts.

* * *

Lilacs, freshly done laundry, after rain shower-- he had these three canisters of Febreze in his cleaning closet. On those days he was feeling just a tad bit lazy to actually steam clean the Varia home, he would use these 'heaven-sent' fragrances to cover up the manly musk that was the Varia. It could conceal the heavy odor of an electrically fried Levi, or the over powering stench of dried blood that always seemed to follow Bel around, and even tame the strong aroma of wine fresh in Squalo's hair (although the assassin severely disliked it when Lussuria would spray him with these frequently as a quick punishment). In this abode of messy men, Lussuria took it upon himself to keep the house clean, even if he did dislike the job every now and then.

After Squalo abused Levi in his ritual, every morning way, they had departed from the living room to over see the new recruits' training in the field nearby. Lussuria had waited patiently for them to depart before starting his cleaning and already had a canister of lavender scented Febreze in his hands. He hummed a jovial tune to himself as he gave a light coating of the spray to the suede upholstered furniture. Pushing up his red sunglasses frames, Lussuria placed his hands on his hips and took a quick glance around and set the Febreze down onto the table. Everything seemed in place (but that scratched-up coffee table would never be replaced, no matter how much he begged Xanxus to let him buy a new one) and he pursed his lips into a pleased smile. "Now I just need to wipe down the table," Lussuria said expectantly since he foresaw the caked mud after witnessing Levi ungraciously put his boots up on the table-- a nasty habit his 'son' had. Sashaying his way back to the kitchen where his cleaning pantry was housed, he rummaged through and pulled out a brand new bottle of lavender scented 'Pledge Multi-Surface Cleaner' and took a daisy print washcloth with him, kicking his cleaning pantry's door close with a flamboyant shove of his foot. "I'll clean for real tomorrow~" he reminded himself. Stepping out of the kitchen, Lussuria was met with the sight of Bel lounging like a sloth on the couch with his nose pressed into the armrest. He seemed to be inhaling, and whatever he was inhaling was pleasant since his exhales were let out as content sighs and a softer version of his laugh.

"Bel... what are you doing?" Lussuria's tone suggested he really wanted to know, but at the same time already knew what was happening. "Ushishi, I always thought those stupid commercials were an exaggeration, but..." Bel buried his nose into a pillow on the couch and inhaled deeply. "This stuff smells wonderful~" He let out a cracked laugh, turning on his back so he would be reclining on the couch as the pillow sat on his face. Lussuria cautiously walked over to the blonde and moved the pillow aside to look at the grin it hid. "Darling, don't sniff this religious." Bel laughed off the curt plea and sat upright now. "Lavender could be a royal smell, especially with the color it is..." From behind the unruly blonde bangs, Bel cut his eyes to the canister of Febreze sitting nonchalantly on the coffee table; it was begging to be stolen. Almost as if he were a mother with eyes in the back of his head, Lussuria snatched up the bottle and waved his pinky in a reprimanding fashion. "Nu-uh-uh, Bel, this stuff is expensive enough as it is, I don't need to constantly buy more just so you can inhale it." True to his sloth like nature, Bel fell back onto the couch and took up all the room possible with his limbs. "If it's money, Lussuria, the prince has it." He flashed Lussuria an unconvincing grin, causing his senior to sigh. It caught him by surprise, though, when Lussuria sprayed more Febreze onto the couch _and_ him. Bel enjoyed the cloud of scented mist very much. Lussuria wiped down the table and was sure to scrub extra hard to get out those scuff marks ("Levi, I swear--!!") then turned back to the still lounging Bel.

"Go shower and get ready for dinner, you." Lussuria ordered, moving the pillow back onto Bel's face. All he elicited from his 'child' was a small snicker and the shuffle of a body making itself comfortable on the couch. "I will later," Bel grinned, nuzzling the lavender scented pillow to his nose.

Lussuria had walked back into the kitchen, put away his cleaning supplies and locked his cleaning pantry with its numerous locks-- but the scores of knife scratches along the door frame led him to believe that the locks did very little to hinder _someone's_ break-ins to his clean haven. "That boy is mental..." he hummed, the edge of his smile twitching.


	14. Motherly?

**Author's Note:** Just wanted to get a quick one out before school holds me captive again. Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/alerts so far! 'nother Xanxus one~ And it's crack flavored. Whew, haven't updated in a while... I should get started on part II of that boy's night out. This one's short 'cause I'm strapped for time. Srsly.

* * *

What in the world pulled wine stains out of the carpet? Lussuria knew, Lussuria knew lots of things. Including what pulls wine stains out of the carpet the best.

Even though the job was tedious and not something he really enjoyed to do, if it was for Xanxus he thought he could put up with it. And goodness gracious, Lussuria had the mind to make Levi/Squalo stop angering their volatile boss so the wine stains wouldn't end up on the good carpet in the first place! Sometimes Lussuria thought Xanxus liked to make a mess so _he_ could clean it up. If so, Lussuria's inward giggle of how cute the idea seemed was all in good humor -- being the oldest out of all the Varia, Lussuria knew it was his duty to take care of everyone. Xanxus was no exception.

"Xanxus, we love you for your sudden temper," Lussuria said from his hunched over position above the fresh wine stain, "but really, darling... the good carpet never did anything to you." The boxer spoke mainly for himself (for he loved everyone in the Varia for their special quirks) and he just had always hated to see that damn good carpet ruined because Squalo or Levi had to disagree or make a mistake around Xanxus. "The good carpet doesn't take too kindly to chemical treatments either~" he sang, all the while ignoring Xanxus red eyes glaring at him to _kindly_ shut up. "I'll have to steam it out," Lussuria stated blandly. "If only I could put your hotheadedness into a compact steamer vacuum." Lussuria casually brushed a few lime green strands away from his face, not at all worried about Xanxus's steely glare. "Oh, _Bossu_, don't look at me like that!" He giggled while making his way out of the room.

Xanxus sighed inwardly and let his eyes close. There was a reason he let Lussuria into the Varia besides the fact the man was strong-- he was also cool headed and knew how to handle the rough.

None of the other imbeciles he hired could be so whimsical and murderous at the same time.

"I also took care of that nasty blood stain you got on your nice dress shirt last night," Lussuria yelled from the supply closet in the hall.

And Xanxus be damned if he could find someone who was as proactive instead of reactive.


	15. Pay For It!

**Author's Note: **I haven't updated in forever! Could be 'cause I'm busy and the fact that I have a new laptop. Haha. I still love Lussuria, don't worry! D8

* * *

The sheen of the glossy black top, that luminous silver colored frame surrounding the compact, black keys, a liquid clear screen that had an impressive clarity, and a battery life that could most likely hold out on a rainy day -- this laptop was beautiful -- this laptop had to be his.

"It's simply fabulous! Do you not see this perfection?" Lussuria ran a gentle touch over the plastic covered top of the laptop display model. "Beauty is priceless, boys!"

Xanxus' eyes lingered more over to the alluring plasma TV display next to the computers. Levi stroked his chin and eyed the price tag. "Why is it so expensive? It's just some stupid computer."

Lussuria got into his lecturing position, hand on his hip and legs locked into place. Xanxus already started to walk off to look at the TVs.

"You see, Levi, it has a lot of memory for all of my pictures and music, not to mention dual core processors, so it runs faster, _and I like them fast._"

Levi promptly shuddered and tried to discard the mental image placed in his head.

"And it's beautiful! I told you, beauty has no price." Lussuria fawned over the laptop, turning his backside to Levi to do so.

There was a silence within the electronics store between the two for a moment. "Why does Boss have to pay for it?" Lussuria had dragged Xanxus out of the base (most likely not getting killed for it because he had promised to take care of all the work for the week) and Levi naturally followed his boss where ever he went. A slight regret for following his boss on this particular day ebbed into his conscious.

Lussuria giggled. "Because I deserve these kind of things! And plus a certain swordsman damaged mine using it to protect himself from a wine glass." He pouted momentarily but became chipper again when Xanxus wandered back over.

"Hurry the fuck up, I want my lunch by noon." Xanxus quickly pulled over a sales representative and told him to make haste with the order.

"But if Squalo ruined it, why is boss here?" Levi was confused. Lussuria was usually very picky when it came to who had to pay the price -- quite literally in this case.

"Well, who writes Squalo's checks?" Lussuria beamed as they followed the representative, who now had a box in hand, to the check-out. He could not wait to set up his new laptop, but he knew he would have to hide it in a few weeks when it came time for Squalo to collect his pay.

_**Optional lulz Ending**_

Levi's eyes shot open. "Wait, we get paid?!"


End file.
